Turn back the time

"And if i could stop the clocks
If i could make this moment mine
I´d make the most of a bad time"

School? Hmm... If I like going to school?
Depends. On my mood. On my previous grades.
Whether I'm in for fun-talking with my friends or not.
And if we write a test in maths or not^^
But...
I wish I could just go there forever and ever and ever!
Together with my friends, being able to see them every day.

Laughing, talking and joking during class - together.
Chilling in the breaks - together.
Making fun of students and teachers - together.
Be angry about unfair situations - together.
Skipping class to go to Starbucks - together.
Drinking coffee for 70 cents - together.

I'll miss all that like hell when it's over.
It makes me want to cry when I think about it.
But I can't.
I'm out of tears since a long time.
The stuff just doesn't reach me anymore.
I don't cry when I watch sad movies - never did.
I don't cry when my mom yells at me - not anymore.
Though I wonder why.
My Dad doesn't beat me up. He isn't an alcoholic.
My Mom doesn't play around with other men or anything.
So in fact I don't have a hard life and yet...
I can't really explain it.
Often it seems like my Mom is never satisfied.
Whatever I do, I do it wrong.
Because I do it my way. Because I'm not like her.
I do things at my pace.
I admit I'm lazy and I do everything at the last possible moment.
That's not the way she is. And therefore it's the wrong way.

I want everything to stay the way it is now.
Studying at school, doing homework and then chilling with friends.
It's fun. It's so much fun!
And it's so easy.
Why do you always just realise the good things in life when they are over?!
When they are gone. Cause then it's too late.
Now it's too late.
Our time together is nearly over.
Soon... everyone is going somewhere else.
Who knows where to? Berlin, Köln maybe even Canada.
I have no idea where my path is heading.
But I don't wanna lose everything I built up these past years.
In the 5th grade I was all alone at that school.
I knew nobody. Not a single person.
And now...
There are people I like alot.
People I trust.
People I think are fun.
People I wanna keep by my side forever.
And now... it's all over.
They'll all go god-knows-where.
And they'll meet new people and... maybe forget about me.
The not very pretty, not very funny, not very bright, unkissed me.
I wish... I could turn back the time.

"But we can never turn back the pages of time, though we may wish to relive a happy moment, or say good-bye just one last time, we never can, because the sands of time continue to fall, and we can't turn the hourglass over.”

Am I overreacting? I bet I am. My brain knows I am.
I can handle this crisis... right?
"YES I CAN", I would love to say in Obama-style now.
But I can't. I don't want to have to start over again.
I'm too shy for that. I don't trust myself enough for that.
I always look at the people I'm talking to trying to figure out what they think of me. I guess it's stupid. I know it is, but I always feel like everyone is staring at me. Like I'm in the middle of some flash light. Of course I know that the world doesn't turn just around me. But still I'm embarassed about every little bullshit. Always wondering what everyone else might think.
So I'll start working on that. It's childish, right?

I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be fine.
I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be fine.
It'll be fine. Everything is gonna be fine!
Wish me luck!!!

"Don’t be scared about what’s coming,
We will find the answers on our way,
And until the clouds are gone,
We’re catching raindrops on our thongs"

Hate 'bout you

Ich hasse es, wie du mit mir sprichst und deine komische Frisur.
Ich hasse, wie du Auto fährst und deine ganze Machotour.
Ich hasse deine Art, mich anzuglotzen und dich ständig einzuschleimen.
Ich hasse es so sehr, ich muss fast kotzen, noch mehr als bei diesen Reimen.
Ich hasse es, wenn du recht behältst und deine Lügerei.
Ich hasse, wenn du mich zum lachen bringst, noch mehr als meine Heulerei.
Ich hasse, wenn du nicht da bist und dass du mich nicht angerufen hast.
Doch am meisten hasse ich, dass ich dich nicht hassen kann.
Nicht mal ein wenig.
Nicht mal ein bißchen.
Nicht einmal fast.

Hands held high - Linkin Park

Turn my mic up louder, I got to say something
Light weights steppin' aside when we come in
Feel it in your chest, the syllables get pumping
People on the street then panic and start running
Words on loose leaf sheet, complete coming
I jump in my mind, I summon the rhyme I'm dumping
Healing the blind, I promise to let the sun in
Sick of the dark ways we march to the drumming
Jump when they tell us that they wanna see jumping
Fuck that, I wanna see some fists pumping
Risk something, take back what's yours
Say something that you know they might attack you for
'Cause I'm sick of being treated like I had before
Like it's stupid standing for what I'm standing for
Like this war's really just a different brand of war
Like it doesn't cater to rich and abandon poor
Like they understand you, in the back of their jet
When you can't put gas in your tank, these fuckers
Are laughing their way to the bank, and cashing their check
Asking you to have the passion and have some respect
For a leader so nervous in an obvious way
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay
And the rest of the world watching at the end of the day
In the living room, laughing like, "What did he say?"

Amen

In my living room watching it, I am not laughing
'Cause when it gets tense, I know what might happen
The world is cold, the bold men take action
Have to react or get blown into fractions
At 10 years old, it's something to see
Another kid my age drugged under a Jeep
Taken and bound and found later under a tree
I wonder if he had thought the next one could be me
Do you see the soldiers that are out today?
They brush the dust from bulletproof vests away
It's ironic, at times like this you'd pray
But a bomb blew the mosque up yesterday
There's bombs on the buses, bikes, roads
Inside your market, your shops, and your clothes
My dad, he's got a lot of fear, I know
But enough pride inside not to let that show
My brother had a book he would hold with pride
A little red cover with a broken spine on the back
He hand-wrote a quote inside,
"When the rich wage war, it's the poor who die"
Meanwhile, the leader just talks away
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay
The rest of the world watching at the end of the day
Both scared and angry, like "What did he say?"

Amen

With hands held high into the sky so blue,
As the ocean opens up to swallow you

upside-down

uıʍ ı puɐ ǝsoן ʎןןɐnʇɔɐ noʎ os
dɐɹɔ ɯopuɐɹ sıɥʇ ɟo ןןɐ pɐǝɹ oʇ ʇsnظ
ǝɯıʇ ɹnoʎ buıʇsɐʍ ǝɹ,noʎ ʇɐɥʇ sı xɐɟ ǝnɹʇ ǝɥʇ ןןǝʍ
"¡ɹǝsoן noʎ sıɥʇ pɐǝɹ uɐɔ ı ɐɥ"
ǝʞıן puɐ ןooɔ os ǝɹɐ noʎ ʞuıɥʇ noʎ ǝsnɐɔǝq
buıʇıɹʍ uʍop ǝpısdn sıɥʇ pɐǝɹ oʇ ʇuɐʍ ʇsnظ noʎ ǝsnɐɔǝq
ǝuɐsuı buıob ʇnoɥʇıʍ sıɥʇ pɐǝɹ oʇ ʎɹʇ

TEEHEE~

Red Light Flash

Ugh... I got catched by a speed cam today 0o
It was a really f*cked up situation and it wasn't really my fault!
Seriously - but I guess every guilty person say so, ne?^^'
But really: I just evaded another car by driving into a space between two parking cars. That way I naturally slowed down. So I speeded up a lil again - for maybe a second! It's not like I drove 50km/h in a 30km/h-zone! Just this slight pressure on the pedal to get it away from the 20th again...
And then - this very second, this very short and very unfortunate second - there was this bright red flash of light! Like an explosion it hit my eyes D: like WTF!
I mean... ahhh >.< Evil Shit. Evil evil evil Shit!
Those Cops hid it in the back of a parking car! So sneaky! So so so damn sneaky!
I'm still in my test-period... I got my licence november last year.
Let's hope I don't have to hand it over ='(

dead Chat

Ich war in einem Chat auf der Anime-Seite lovelyanime.com und war... etwas gelangweilt, weil dort seit einiger Zeit nix mehr los ist. Und da habe ich meiner "Kreativität" freien Lauf gelassen =P

Anon5454: D:
Anon5454: dead deader this
Anon5454: is there a word like "deader".... I wonder 0o
Anon5454: can you be even more dead than dead?
Anon5454: like I competition.... haha I'm deader than you!!!!
Anon5454: I guess not...
Anon5454: though you can be more similar than the others....
Anon5454: like animal farm showed us
Anon5454: or at least you can claim to be so
Anon5454: ...
Anon5454: it's so early in the morning
Anon5454: wtf am i talking about???!
Anon5454: D:

I'm there sometimes just lurking.... so if you search me: I mostly react to "Fly"

Rettet die Fantasy, Sam forever und Gut Pfad =]

The morning

Today won’t be a piece of cake
You open your eyes
And the dream is just fake
It’s gone like a shadow
And the best you can do
Is to live trough the day again
So someday you’ll be able to say
That you are living your dream

(BrightFool)