Turn back the time

"And if i could stop the clocks
If i could make this moment mine
I´d make the most of a bad time"

School? Hmm... If I like going to school?
Depends. On my mood. On my previous grades.
Whether I'm in for fun-talking with my friends or not.
And if we write a test in maths or not^^
But...
I wish I could just go there forever and ever and ever!
Together with my friends, being able to see them every day.

Laughing, talking and joking during class - together.
Chilling in the breaks - together.
Making fun of students and teachers - together.
Be angry about unfair situations - together.
Skipping class to go to Starbucks - together.
Drinking coffee for 70 cents - together.

I'll miss all that like hell when it's over.
It makes me want to cry when I think about it.
But I can't.
I'm out of tears since a long time.
The stuff just doesn't reach me anymore.
I don't cry when I watch sad movies - never did.
I don't cry when my mom yells at me - not anymore.
Though I wonder why.
My Dad doesn't beat me up. He isn't an alcoholic.
My Mom doesn't play around with other men or anything.
So in fact I don't have a hard life and yet...
I can't really explain it.
Often it seems like my Mom is never satisfied.
Whatever I do, I do it wrong.
Because I do it my way. Because I'm not like her.
I do things at my pace.
I admit I'm lazy and I do everything at the last possible moment.
That's not the way she is. And therefore it's the wrong way.

I want everything to stay the way it is now.
Studying at school, doing homework and then chilling with friends.
It's fun. It's so much fun!
And it's so easy.
Why do you always just realise the good things in life when they are over?!
When they are gone. Cause then it's too late.
Now it's too late.
Our time together is nearly over.
Soon... everyone is going somewhere else.
Who knows where to? Berlin, Köln maybe even Canada.
I have no idea where my path is heading.
But I don't wanna lose everything I built up these past years.
In the 5th grade I was all alone at that school.
I knew nobody. Not a single person.
And now...
There are people I like alot.
People I trust.
People I think are fun.
People I wanna keep by my side forever.
And now... it's all over.
They'll all go god-knows-where.
And they'll meet new people and... maybe forget about me.
The not very pretty, not very funny, not very bright, unkissed me.
I wish... I could turn back the time.

"But we can never turn back the pages of time, though we may wish to relive a happy moment, or say good-bye just one last time, we never can, because the sands of time continue to fall, and we can't turn the hourglass over.”

Am I overreacting? I bet I am. My brain knows I am.
I can handle this crisis... right?
"YES I CAN", I would love to say in Obama-style now.
But I can't. I don't want to have to start over again.
I'm too shy for that. I don't trust myself enough for that.
I always look at the people I'm talking to trying to figure out what they think of me. I guess it's stupid. I know it is, but I always feel like everyone is staring at me. Like I'm in the middle of some flash light. Of course I know that the world doesn't turn just around me. But still I'm embarassed about every little bullshit. Always wondering what everyone else might think.
So I'll start working on that. It's childish, right?

I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be fine.
I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be fine.
It'll be fine. Everything is gonna be fine!
Wish me luck!!!

"Don’t be scared about what’s coming,
We will find the answers on our way,
And until the clouds are gone,
We’re catching raindrops on our thongs"